Enough!!!

      It's one of those days when the sun shines so bright it's depressing. There was a big headline last week about an up-and-coming girl who killed herself because she did bad things in a relationship that ended it. Many people condemn her act. For them, she should have remained focused on her studies instead of a fleeting feeling. Is there really a relevant reason to commit suicide?

     I have always been out of step with life. In my reality, I had to deal with tons of challenges, my mother's illness, the criticism I would receive if she lost even a tiny bit of weight, my shyness in the face of achieving my dreams, my lack of initiative in my writing, those failed relationships/friendships that made me feel dirty. Have I already given up? No. But are they enough for me to give up? Yes. Again, is there really a relevant reason to commit suicide?

     People tend to define how one should feel in a given situation. But was there ever a school that taught us to be human? Do we bleed the same? Do we heal the same way? We came into life with different baggage, from a different perspective. So what makes you think you have the right to dictate my death if you don't drive your car in my direction at full speed? Again, only if I stay put and let you hit me. Many of us have always been on the edge of life. We don't live, we don't die, we don't survive. We only exist to accumulate suffering. So, is there really a relevant reason to commit suicide? 

     When I love, I love deeply. When I bleed, I bleed to the bone. When I decide to learn something, I do it until exhaustion. Wouldn't I have the right to live until death separates me from everything? Should I live until you deem it enough? Do I exist for your fulfillment? Do you at least know me? Do you have the solution to my difficulties? Tell me, is there really a relevant reason to commit suicide?

     To my dark heart, the sky was blue. I chose this date to go because I felt it was appropriate to at least give the missing color in my reality a sparkling feel. Without me, wouldn't you be human enough?